Girls vs Guys

Tuesday, 5:30 pm:

My boss walks into my office, puts down the plan for our 7 pm Confirmation class and says, "This is shit! Fix it."

And I look at him calmly but with irritation and say, "Ok. How do you want me to fix it?"

"I don't know," he whines, "just fix it. Make it better. Work your magic."

So with an hour to find meaning in the plan that some of our (wonderful) leaders came up with and "make it work", I scramble to make the class a good one.

However, I'm blinded by frustration. My boss has been MIA for practically a month doing various things - taking a 2-week trip to Miami for grad school, leaving for Fresno for 5 days for vacation/a restorative justic conference, sinking into a "nothing" phase - and has left lots of loose ends for me to tie up. So I'm dealing with it, doing my best to push it to the back of my mind, trying to think of a way to make a lesson plan that talks very maturely about sex (something that's hard to do with 15 -, 16-, 17-year olds) and turn it into something that still gets the point across (the point being "You're more than just a man or woman...you are glorious and wonderful and God thinks you're perfect the way you are). Confirmation kids are starting to show up and are demanding my attention; confirmation leaders are starting to show up and are demanding my attention; Vince is not mentally present and is no help.

"God - some patience please? Inspire this. Make it yours. Make it work. Please?"

7 pm:

70 kids are sitting in a circle in the Bungalow, with 4 in the middle. We're trying to facilitate a game of "Taxi" with scenarios that deal with gender roles. None of the kids are willing to volunteer and the volunteers we do have are just sitting there. I'm worried that this is going to bomb and we're going to lose them before we even get them.

Some girls suggest that Marisol (another leader) and I do the game. So we do. And they think it's hilarious because we were two girls coming from a party, who like the same guy, and he likes Marisol more becaue he doesn't like girls with red, curly hair as much as girls with straight, black hair (boy doesn't know what he's missing!) . So we've got 'em. And that's good.

7:40 pm:

We break the boys and the girls up into gender-specific groups. Then we kick the boys out into the kindergarten classroom (fitting, no?) And we tape two big pieces of butcher paper on the wall. I say to my girls "Complete this sentence: I am a man, therefore I..."

"Cheat!" "Abuse!" "Don't put the toilet seat down!" "Am a good listener!" "Provide!" "Hit it and quit it!"

...were just a few of the shout-outs in the crowds. Each of the girls had a chance to write what they thought about guys.

And then we flipped it - "I am a woman, therefore I..." (the way they completed that sentence was a little different...)

"am bitchy!" "criticize" "gossip" "clean"

8:00 pm:
We're still brain storming and the guys are pounding on the door to get back into the Bungalow. We lock them out until we're done.

8:05 pm:
We're done brainstorming so we let the boys back in. We tape up the boys' lists and compare.
We talk about the differences and similarities between what each group thought. And each group had strong opinions.

And they LOVED it.

God made it work. Thank God!

I'm a doubting Teri

I love my job, I like LA alright and, despite the mishaps and issues I've had with my roommates, they're tolerable, at the very least.

Yet I find myself wondering if I can (if I WANT to) do a second year of JVC, and the arguments for staying and for going are strong and balance each other out, which leaves me in a state of irritated limbo.

So would somebody PLEASE just tell me what to do?

This experience has led me to a much deeper appreciation for the great friendships I had all through college and perhaps feel their absence is a completely normal phenomenon post-college, regardless of employment status and location. However, I can't help but feel like I would be more comfortable (and for some reason, less lonesome) if I were back in WI, closer to my family and doing what I spent 6 years preparing to do.

At the same time, I can see the value of what we're doing here at DM and though I'm frustrated when things don't go right (which tends to seem like more often than not), the fruits of our labor are so sweet when they ripen that it's hard to fathom how we ever arrived at such a delicious outcome.  And the potential that our program and our kids have is dauntingly inspiring.

I thought this was my dream job - hanging out with teenagers and giving them a safe place to be heard, support they need, and someone who cares more about them than whether or not they've done their homework or passed a test or done their chores or...

And it's been a lot of fun.  But I don't feel like I'm reaching my own potential here and I wonder why.  I also wonder if I ever will reach my full potential and when I do, will I realize it?  

So the result of my pondering is:  I am where I am.  And I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.  Do I stick out another difficult year of living in community and dealing with all the drama and issues that come with it?  Do I stay at my job but try to work something out so I don't have to do JVC for 18 more months?  Do I call it quits and go home and start my life as an overworked, overpaid, under-appreciated teacher?  Or do I just stay in bed for the rest of my life and hope that someone will bring me food every day and pay my bills?

I think that last option sounds tempting...  ;)