Hope and Frustration

Life sure has been crazy the last week and a half or so. Last week was filled with excitement and hope as the neighborhood of Boyle Heights (where I work) voted to partner with LA Voice, an organization that specializes in community organizing. The goal of this partnership is to make the streets and neighborhoods safer for the kids. It’s a huge step and hopefully one that will make a difference.

Things are starting to heat up between three of the rival gangs in the area and there have been reports of drug dealing going on just outside of where I work. It’s scary, but sadly exciting at the same time – this is really my first experience with gang activity, and at this point I don’t have the schema in my brain to tell me that the danger is real and I should be more vigilant than curious. I’d really hate to end up like the cat…

Not to worry though, I’ve been assured by several people that as we’ll be safe as long as we’re not walking around or riding around on our bikes after dark.

I took some of the youth I work with to a job fair last week and even though it seemed like a complete waste of time (none of the jobs were close enough and someone told the guys that their resumes sucked…resumes which I helped them with), it was a great chance to bond with the kids. Since then I’ve noticed that there is a different level of interaction between us now – one that’s more comfortable and familiar. I like that a lot.

There are two girls from Loyola Marymount University who I am working with to start a young women’s ministry, which is a huge need in this community. Last week was the second time we got together with the two different groups of leaders, and I’m feeling really good about it. I think the LMU girls are starting to see that it’s going to take time for the girls from the “hood” to really accept the two “white girls” (even though one is of Filipino origin) and trust them, but things look promising so far.

On a more personal level, there seems to be a bit of a personality conflict between one of my housemates and me. And it’s not a conflict I have willingly become a part of, which makes it even more frustrating and confusing. It’s more like this particular roommate has self-esteem and security issues and feels like she has to prove herself better than me (and the rest of the house, although it seems to be focused mostly on me) and some of her actions indicate that she’s in competition to one-up me. I have no interest in competing with her to “win” a dominant spot in our community or whatever it is she’s after, but her passive-aggressive behavior is draining, not only to me, but to the rest of my housemates as well. I feel bad that she feels like she doesn’t “measure up” or whatever, but seriously, how old are we? I’m 24 years old and I feel like I’m dealing with middle school issues.

But looking at that situation makes me so incredibly thankful for the way God has provided so many opportunities for me to grow into the person He wants me to be. How blessed am I that I can look back at all of the hard times I’ve had (which, at the time, I wished I didn’t have to go through) and see how they’ve shaped me? I like where I’m at in terms of who I am and what I’m becoming. It’s incredible to me that I can actually see God’s figure prints all over my life.
And I love that I don’t feel like my self-worth is tied up in being better than those around me – that instead it is fully dependent on the fact that I’m a child of God, that He took the time to think me up, and hasn’t finished creating me yet.

Hula Hoop Samurais

It's 10:30 am, the marine layer which has covered most of LA this morning is burning off and the sun is starting to make it's presence known. It's still cool, but the heat and a hint of humidity float on the breeze like bright orange booeys bobbing in the ocean, and will be undeniable by 2 this afternoon.

I'm sitting on a bench in the school's playground, watching my roommate Sara do her job, which at the moment is opening smooshed Susie Q's and bags of fruit snacks for hungry, uniformed kindergarteners who still have breakfast smeared on their cheeks and blue polo shirts. One chubby boy, Jose, has managed to smother a cracker in imitation cheese and stick it to the side of the bench. As he unsticks his snack and brings it to his wide-open mouth, Sara orders him to throw it away, a command that results in her chasing him around the playground as he holds the cracker out in front of him (presumably out of Sara's reach) and his round belly bounces with each little step and ends in him pouting because she took his dirt-crusted-germ-infested cracker away from him.

While Sara is managing Jose's crisis, there are a few young girls in plaid jumpers practicing their hula hooping skills. This could be a normal scene, only their necks are the point of balance, not their hips, a concept all the girls but one have grasped - this other poor girl, who is adorable in her efforts, tries to make the hoop go around on her neck, but instead of moving her head back and forth wiggles her hips instead. I have no doubt she'll be a fantastic salsa dancer some day.

The girls aren't the only kids on the playground who are getting use out of these striped plastic circles: The boys have claimed domain over the kinked, bent and otherwise unspinnable hoops and are using them to "fight" each other as they wave them in the air like a ninja would his nunchucks, or like Jackie Chan would any random object that happened to be in the scene. Complete with "hee-ya" and "woosh woosh" sound effects, these boys have managed to escape their reality of poverty and socio-economic oppression into a fantasy world of heroism and victory over the conqueror's crushing grasp. With hula hoops.

Surprisingly no one gets hurt, until the end of recess that is, when the 8th graders come out for their play time and a boy comes sprinting from out of nowhere, steps on one of the hula hoops, slips and lands flat on his back on the black top. It's a comical incident, but one that is met with relief when the boy gets up laughing and Sara realizes she doesn't have to make a trip to the hospital today.

Encountering Normalcy

LA is good.

I'm really starting to feel at home at my work (I'm down to checking Facebook 2x per day vs. 15! ;) ) and things are going pretty well in my house, too. I joined the local Y (for a very affordable rate because my roomies sweet talked the man in charge there!), and it sounds like I'm going to start teaching one of their spin classes pretty soon. There's lots of free stuff to do around here too, although getting there can be a challenge - LA is really spread out, and we're way on the east side, so going any place takes anywhere from 15 minutes to 1 1/2 hours.

I'm slowly but surely meeting new people aside from my roommates, and I'm excited for the day when we all have our own lives and the obligation to invite the whole house to whatever I'm doing ends. I can see that it's starting to happen, and that's definitely a good thing.

The kids I'm working with a great, but challenging as well. They don't have much of a concept of "stick to your word" or consistency, but that's how they were raised. A lot of them struggle with employment for that very reason - they don't realize that people hire other people they can count on, and fire those they can't. I'm excited for the women's ministry I'm helping to start and can't wait to see that baby bird fly out of the nest.

The culture here is a little different than that in the midwest - I seem to get done in an hour what my boss expects will take me half a day to do, so I guess that idea of Midwestern work ethic is a reality. People are rarely on time for meetings, and pedestrians show no urgency in crossing the street, which sort of drives me nuts when I'm behind the wheel. But I've noticed that I now lollygag a bit when I'm in the crosswalk!

Today I had a staff meeting, and beforehand we said a quick prayer, and the pastor who said the prayer said something to the effect of "Lord, let us know and feel that you give us all that we need". Lately I've really been struggling with this gift of singlehood that I've been given , and when the pastor said that, it was like a light went on in my head: A relationship and all the stuff that comes with it isn't something I to survive, or even to be happy. I've got all I NEED - a family who loves me, a God who takes care of me, supportive roommates, a great boss, food in my belly, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. In fact, I have way MORE than I need, and I need to constantly remind myself that for that, I must be thankful.

I'm really enjoying living "simply", probably because it's not that much different from the way I was living before my time as a volunteer started. I'm reading a great book by Barbara Kingsolver called "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle", and it is really inspiring me to eat locally and become as self-sufficient as possible (my new goal is to bake enough bread so that we don't have to buy it at the store anymore, and my next endeavor will be homemade cheese!). We bought all of our fresh produce at a local farmer's market this weekend, and it felt really good to know that we're supporting local, sustainable agriculture. The only down side of this motivation is that I really want to plant my own garden, but that's hard to do when you're surrounded by concrete!

I've also found a new appreciation for the local park, because it's a place within walking distance that allows me to get as close to nature as is possible here and provides some much-needed "alone" time, where I can just be in my own little world and read and write and reflect and not be interrupted by my roommates. I really should go there more often...

Well, time to put my nose to the grindstone, as they say. I've got to find a karate instructor who will donate his time to teach our kids some martial arts and discipline, set up meetings with local guidance counselors, stamp and mail letters to kids who've received scholarships, figure out the logistics of the recycling program I'm trying to start here, oh, and eat lunch!

I hope that you can find some time to take for you; to find some peace amidst the chaos; to be thankful that you've got all you need.

Working for the cause

It's hard to believe I've been here almost a month already - I can't believe how quickly flies. Pretty soon it'll be Christmas, the weather will get cold, the snow will start falling and...oh yea, I live in California. Nevermind about the snow and cold weather stuff ;)

I started to feel a little homesick this week, especially when I woke up yesterday morning to the smell of pancakes and scrambled "eggs" (okay, so it was really scrambled tofu, but same diff, right?) and thought I was at home (it's Sunday morning routine in my WI house). Imagine my shock when I woke up to 4 other young women in the dining room and not my dad and brother watching T.V. and my mom cleaning up the mess!

But things are going as well as can be expected and I'm starting to get a feel for my job, which is a welcomed sense of purpose after two weeks of Vince-now-what-do-I-do task management, which made me feel like someone begging for a job at some points...which I suppose makes it easier for me to empathize with the people with whom I'm working, on a much more trivial level, of course.

I am also learning that the "ask and you shall receive" maxim is indeed a wise one. Point in case: I was searching on Active.com for stuff to do in LA and found that People Magazine is hosting a "redcarpet 5k fun run" at Paramount Studios to benefit some health-related cause. The registration was $30, but I e mailed them and explained my financial situation and they granted me complementary admission to the event. So I'll be running a 5k and then be enjoying a Venessa Williams concert, gratis.

Example 2: $5 monthly Y-membership. Certainly can't complain about that, and I'm pumped to start pumping some iron (no pun intended... ;) )

Okay, time to get back to work.

Youngsters...

For the last two Fridays I have had the fortunate experience of working with a really great group of young people who call themselves "The Youngsters". What's cool about these "kids" is that they came together as a group - without the facilitation of an adult - and decided that they weren't going to get involved in gangs, but instead be committed to each other and to their community. In an area that has a terrible reputation for gang violence and where gang membership seems to be almost an expected “right of passage”, these teenagers are going against the norm and making a positive difference in their neighborhood.

Considering the loss and heartache they have experienced in their lives, The Youngsters bring an incredible amount of energy and spirit to their meetings. The challenge lies in harnessing that energy and finding ways to put it to productive use – I left the my first meeting with them feeling overwhelmed at what I perceived as a very disorganized, chaotic meeting where they spent much of the two hours they had together teasing each other and making side comments that led to defensive arguments. I really wondered what I’d gotten myself into.

But the more I get to know these kids, the more I’m encouraged by the potential they carry inside them. Right now they are working on a video about “Our Lady of Sorrows”, which will be shown at the mass for her in a few weeks. This may come as a shock, but the theme is sorrow, much of which is linked to gang violence in this neighborhood. As the group talked about what they wanted to include in their video, amid their “hard” exteriors I saw a sensitivity and softness that could only be present among a group of people that has experienced the loss of a loved one at the hands of gang violence. There was one boy whose brother was killed, and the group wanted to interview him for the video (I myself thought it would add a great amount of sentiment and realism to the project), but he clearly wasn’t comfortable talking about the issue. Instead of ragging on the kid and nagging him to do it until he gave in, the group was completely respectful of his resistance and quickly moved on to the next idea.

Working in this area, with a population that has been historically oppressed for centuries, is proving to be a challenge that I am barely beginning to understand. But I think of The Youngsters and what they are doing – by their own will – to improve their community, and I am hopeful for their generation, and thankful to have the privilege of working with such an extraordinary group of leaders.