Personality Conflict?

I'll be honest: The last week or so has been a little rough. On top of leaving my family behind to come back to LA, I picked up a nasty cold somewhere along the way (fortunately, after 2 weeks of being a useless blob on the couch I finally feel like a human again!), and things have felt less than comfortable in my community.

When I got back from Wisconsin, naturally I felt a little bit out of the loop - after all, I missed 6 days of community goings-on and "bonding" time! At the same time, I didn't receive a very warm homecoming and quite frankly, I wasn't sure people were even glad to have me back. And it's not even that they said anything (directly, anyway) to make me think that I didn't belong there...but their tones of voice and body language suggested otherwise.

It took me a few days, but I realized that, coming into JVC, my expectations for living in community were pretty high. And, to no fault of their own, my community has not met them. I guess I expected to be best buds with everyone in my house - or at least one or two of them - and we would all care for eachother on a friend level. I had hoped to feel accepted, encouraged, affirmed, lifted up and supported.

But I don't. I feel rejected by them a lot, made wrong, misunderstood. As a result I've become reluctant when it comes to taking part in their conversations - if people are just going to shoot down what I say, or make it wrong for the sake of making themselves right, why bother?

I heard once that when it comes to roommates, you don't necessarily have to like them - you just have to be able to live with them. By no means am I saying that I don't love the people my housemates are, and by no means am I saying that they don't each have gifts they bring to the community.

What I am saying is that I was wrong to think that I could have tight relationships with 4 strangers and just because I was (maybe still am) willing to build solid friendships doesn't mean that they are.

So pray for us. That God would unite us as a community. That would we lift each other up and cheer each other on as we stumble through our time of service. That we would see the agreeable characteristics in one another than we would things to disagree on.

Home really is sweet. I'm not even kidding.

I made the trip home this weekend to see Chuck's musical. You see, I made a deal with him: If he got the lead, I'd come home to see it (then I bought my ticket, not knowing if he even got a part).

And he got the lead role! And words fail me when it comes to describing how FANTASTIC he was, and how PROUD of him I am.

It's been a great weekend - Dad picked me up at the airport Thursday afternoon and we spent the 45 minute ride home catching up, and it was like I'd never left. We spent some time as a family on Thursday night (minus Steph because she wouldn't arrive until Friday night), and Friday night was pretty chill. Saturday we saw the show and were so BLOWN away (Chuck never sings like that at home!) that we came back this afternoon for a second helping.

I just love my family and it always tears at my heart when I have to leave them.

But my heart also knows that right now it's being called to L.A., to love the kids and people in my life there.

I'm not gonna lie - it hurts. And it's going to be hard going back.

At the same time though, I try to live my life the way I want it: without regret that I can avoid. This opportunity is part of that philosophy, so if I stick to what's comfortable and wonderful here at home, I'm not going to grow into the person God is calling me to be.

Yep, home is sweet, which is why leaving it is so hard. But (to add another cliche) distance has indeed made my heart fonder, and it'll be all the more sweet when I return again.

Appreciation Station

The door to my office is open right now and the noise of after school is filtering in: little boys are kicking balls, little girls are squealing, and the adults are hollering (probably because the boys are kicking balls into the street and the girls are squealing because they're pulling each other's hair).

And I'm still smiling because David (one of the teens I work with) stopped by with his friend Nataly, gave me a hug and made me sing him happy birthday. I love my job!

If you're going to San Francisco...

To say that I had a great Halloween weekend would be a drastic understatement - it was a fantastic weekend. My roommate Alissa and I, along with another JV from a different LA house, made the 6-hour journey up to San Francisco for the weekend. And boy did we make the most of it!

We spent all of Thursday night driving and most of Friday morning catching up on sleep. But once we roused ourselves out of bed, we put on our tourist caps and ventured out into the city. We stopped by Pier 39, where we watched the sea lions as they barked at each other and flopped around on bobbing docks in the water. Though it was foggy, we caught a few glimpses of Alacatrez and even saw the outline of the Golden Gate Bridge from where we were. I think we may have even passed by Jon Heder (the guy who plays Napoleon Dynamite) as we made our way through Fisherman's Wharf to explore more of the area.

Our meter was about to expire, so the three of us climbed into the red Toyota Paseo we borrowed from DM and started driving toward the Golden Gate Bridge. We didn't intend to actually cross it but one thing led to another and soon we were flying through the toll booths (it costs $6 to get back into the city via the bridge! Six dollars!) and beginning our love affair with that famous red suspension bridge. We were sure to make the most of our time on the other side - took tons of "glamour" shots with her and then drove up into the Marin Headlands where we basked in an incredible view of the whole city.

It was amazing, but you can only stare at a bridge for so long before it loses its allure, so we ventured back to the city. We had justified the $6 toll by this time: Really, it only cost us $2 a person to see this famous piece of architecture and it was worth it. As we crept forward in the toll booth line, we gathered our fee, and proudly presented it to the toll booth operator who pointed to the star on his shirt and waved us through. Without taking our $6. The day couldn't have gotten much better!

After a bit of a rest and some dinner (delicious Pakistani/Indian food in the Mission part of SF), all 10 of us (the 3 of us from LA and then the JVs we were staying with) put our costumes on and headed out to join the celebration!

And a celebration it was indeed. I was dressed as an "oxymoron" (I wore a sign that had the word "oxy" and then a picture of G.W.), and at first I was a bit nervous about such a politically charged costume, but the people of SF are FANTASTIC and it was a HUGE hit! It was a lot of fun to pass someone on the street and a few seconds later have them yell out "OXYMORON!"

I passed lots of interesting characters on the street myself. Captain Jack Sparrow; Aladdin; Barack Obama; a guy dressed up like a baseball player from the movie 'The Warriors'; a mormon or two; lots of men running around in their underwear...or less (did I mention we wandered around the gay district most of the night?)

After another day of recovery on Saturday, we headed over to the JV house in San Jose and hung out with them for a while. As the evening neared, we geared up for Round 2: Halloween at the Haunted Convent. The JVs who live in San Jose had planned a huge party for anyone and everyone who wanted to come, and they had a great turn out. I don't doubt that some of the people who showed up are still recovering from it today!

Sunday was a pretty chill day - we woke up, ate delicious m&m pancakes for breakfast, shot the breeze for a bit, stuffed ourselves back into the Paseo and ventured home.

Overall, a VERY successful weekend. And I'm looking forward to this coming weekend, when I can stay home, go to bed early and watch lots of movies. Or something like that ;)